In what experts are already calling the most politically charged breakfast in American history, Waffle House has tentatively announced the release of a brand-new waffle: The Trump Waffle. The limited-time breakfast item is reportedly inspired by, you guessed it, President Trump’s continued tendency to… well, waffle.
According to sources inside the golden syrup-slicked halls of Waffle House HQ, the Trump Waffle “honors the Art of Indecision.” The waffle comes smothered in “executive decision syrup,” crowned with whipped cream shaped like a comb-over, and finished off with a controversial drizzle of hot sauce that may or may not reflect the current political climate. Industry insiders are already speculating on potential side effects, including the unstoppable compulsion to say “you’re fired,” outrageous Twitter rants at all hours of the day, and random bursts of misogyny.
The news was delivered by Waffle House spokesperson Benny “Bacon Bits” McFlapjack, and much like the President’s stance on rescheduling cannabis—Waffle House’s plans are subject to change. “We might release it tomorrow… or maybe not,” McFlapjack said, “or maybe this idea never even existed in the first place just like certain confidential files.”
The Trump-Era Cannabis Loop
The saga of cannabis rescheduling during Trump’s presidency has been, in a word, a rollercoaster—though one that feels suspiciously like it’s missing half the tracks. Promises to reconsider cannabis’s federal status were floated, retracted, and occasionally replaced with unrelated tweets, leaving advocates, businesses, and anyone hoping for a legal buzz collectively scratching their heads.
At one point, the issue seemed to vanish entirely from public discussion, only to resurface in a late-night press briefing or a random interview, like a forgotten waffle warming under a heat lamp. There’s no sugar coating it, the cannabis community has spent the entirety of Trump’s presidency hurtling through a fever dream of promises and retractions, clutching bongs and briefcases alike, while the administration careened from one bizarre pronouncement to the next. A manic carnival of chaos that has only crash landed us right back to where we started—or perhaps somewhere even darker, stickier, and full of higher taxes for the cannabis industry altogether.
As of press time, fans of breakfast and politics alike are advised to keep a close eye on Waffle House’s official channels for more information.
